You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you guys were way drunker than both of me
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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