Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
