I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
