I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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