____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
