You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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