I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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