she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
