Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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