Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Let's get the cat blown out
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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