he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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