I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
