Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
