we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
