Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
