They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
