I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
