I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
soo... how was my night?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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