My pussy is not your playground.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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