drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
