i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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