ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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