He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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