I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
