Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
