Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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