i need an iv and a liver transplant
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
