I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
