i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize