my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
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