Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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