mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
