Yo dont text me then not text me
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Randomize
