Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
