He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize