I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
