You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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