we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
