i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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