Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
