Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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