He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
