Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize