So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
