It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
