i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
where does the pee come out of this thing
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
and you fell through a lawn chair
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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