just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You can't just leave with hair like that
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize