Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Randomize
