I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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