GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
