tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
