Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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