I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
