Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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