using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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