ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
