I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
