My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
