you guys were way drunker than both of me
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
