great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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