omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize