mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I think I died a long time ago.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
