dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
