she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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