I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
