Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Can vaginas get frostbite?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
